It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Who did Billy Mays play for?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
