I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
