wrigley field is MILF paradise
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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