Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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