Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
What drink are we having for lunch?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
