i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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