ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
