I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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