no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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