I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
