Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
