More tranny stories later!
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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