i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
it's like iHOP with fire
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize