So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
