I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
COCAINE IS GR8
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
