i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I smell like Dick and happiness
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
