The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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