If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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