just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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