dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
