Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
