I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize