We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
