I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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