Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
