theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
