I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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