when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
