In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
