I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
