sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
