woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
