dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
