Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
