giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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