the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
