I cockslap morals
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
