Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Dicks are not precious.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
