Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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