If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
and you fell through a lawn chair
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
