ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
