things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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