Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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