Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
So many bounce houses so little time
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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