I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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