Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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