Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
