He asked me if I "almost moaned"
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
