who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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