I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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