My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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