then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
