So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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