@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize