So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
