guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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