cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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