Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
