I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
