they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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