I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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