it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
