i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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