OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
