A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
