maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
