Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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