we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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