We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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