I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
