Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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