i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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