Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
