What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
