he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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