Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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